Thanksgiving dinner at mom’s house starts promptly at 4 pm. Be there or be…no, you’d better be there.
It’s Thanksgiving 2016, and this time, we are all actually hoping for some marriage talk, or why your cousin Garry has been in high-school for 9 years. But we all know what’s on the menu, Politics with a side of awkward.
So here’s how to spin these conversations with some actual Thanksgiving meal facts.
When somebody says ‘Crooked Hillary’
Pretentiously mention the original name of the casserole, derived from the french diminutive of ‘casse’ which means ‘spoon-like container’.
Any mention of the number of votes
Proclaim in awe, also, the 46 million turkey that are consumed on Thanksgiving day in America, 20% of the number of turkeys raised annually.
When somebody mentions the Green Party filing for a recount of votes
Educate them on the best methods to be sure you are preserving the green color on green beans. Which is to first blanch (boil in hot water) and then sautee with garlic and butter
Any talk of racist alt-right Republicans
Announce that it reminds you of cranberries. They are not usually red at first. They are first white. It’s only until harvest, when they are flooded to bring the ripe ones to the surface.
Comparison of Donald Trump to Hitler
Refer to the history of the pumpkin pie, that is said to have been brought to America by the Pilgrims on the famous 1620 Mayflower voyage. Only becoming a staple on the Thanksgiving table in the 18th century.
–Also useful if somebody mentions Donald Trump’s color.
Happy Thanksgiving all!