But you’ve only been dating X amount of days/months/years. Commonplace saying about relationships. A pre-defined timeline that makes me wonder who, what, when and why anyone ever thought this was a determiner of relationship success.
A dear friend got me thinking if there really is a right time in a relationship. Right time to start dating, to consummate a union, to say I love you, to move in together or even to get married. These unspoken rules, try to be contemporary and ignore as we may, still have us googling ‘Is it too soon to…’.
Everyone has an opinion about it. Yes, it may seem too soon to move in with a partner after 3 months of dating, but then again, what if it works out? There are unknowns when it comes to timelines. In reality, relationships follow the same philosophy as everything else. Career, life, business.
What do I mean? With any decision or next step comes uncertainty. And many people approach this uncertainty in different, albeit sometimes crazy, ways.
Some jump right into the deep end. These are the entrepreneurs and innovators. Those willing to take chances early on. Test it out and see where it goes. These are the ones who test, validate and adjust accordingly. They recognize that there is no difference between doing it now and doing it 3 years from now. Only risk is that in those 3 years. someone else may have taken the idea, or the conditions of the market may not be suitable for it. So why risk never trying? Fail fast, fail often. (Just be sure to sign pre-nups)
Then there are the analysts. These are the people who like to see all sides of the equation and consider every possible outcome. They are the ones who will wait 7 yeas to decide whether an idea is worth pursuing, then go on to conduct feasibility studies. This may be good for avoiding legal proceedings should a partnership go south too soon. On the other hand, it could cause analysis paralysis. Meaning nothing ever gets done, and at the end of it all, you realize you want nothing to do with anything after all.
Consider this. Whatever time you do anything has the same chances of failure or succeeding as any other time. If you tell your s/o that you love them after 3 weeks or 3 months, and the relationship succeeds, then neither of those times was the ‘better’ time. Similarly, a marriage that fails after 5 years was bound to fail whether you got married after 9 months or after 4 years. It is therefore up to you to decide which was the better approach while you hire a divorce attorney.
I am saying that the right time is now. Whatever ‘now’ you’re in.
Your now is when you decide that it is the best time. That ‘now’ could come to you after 4 years or 10.When do you know that it is the right ‘now’? As Oprah said, when you do not feel like you are betraying yourself, or your beliefs. Meaning, when your conscience is clean. When you are not looking over your shoulder. When you have no arguments against it. When your decision is a product of your own conclusion. When it is now or never.